Thursday, November 11, 2010

Sunday, August 22, 2010

"OZ Out Take"


Okay I give up. 'da fuck is this?!

"Tuff Dame"

This gal reminds me of my fifth grade teach. "Sister Mary I Beat, and Abused Small Children for Forty Years, and Got Away With It". We called her "Benito" as for the famous Italian comedian for short.

How well I remember being smashed against the blackboard with that gal's hate twisted face two inches from mine. It was hate at first glance. That is she hated me, and apparently the rest of the biosphere.

I often wonder why the church turned these disturbed gals loose on little kids for over a hundred years. We didn't even get any blow jobs out'a the deal. We got fucked sure, but not in a nice way.

To add insult to injury the Church only pays off on sex abuse.

Some mad woman in a black Habit kicks ya ass, but without a sex angle. Well it's tough shit sonny. Unless the old gal gave ya a hand job while slugging the hell out'a ya it's no dice.

I clearly went to the wrong school.

Why couldn't my folks dump me in one of them katlick boy's gulags where the priests was sucking off everybody sight.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm talking consensual abuse here. You know where it's your happy secret, not your life destroying nightmare. It really helps if you were a 12 year old Queer, and 'wanted' blow jobs like I did.

Straight kids though, yeah I can see how that could wreck them for good. 'Just want's you to know I'm more than aware this was seriously foul shit for them, and they deserve every penny,..most of them.

However I definitely didn't want my head bashed against blackboards for six years by assorted serial abuser child killers called nuns.

I saw the evil Queen up there, and my religious training came to mind. All I ever wanted to do was to ask one of them old bats,...why?

Why did you need to beat, and humiliate small children year, after year, and apparently without remorse.

I'm just asking is all.

Stay Tuned.

"I Still Want a Kat"

The problem as always is that I may be too nuts to take on that kind of responsibility. That is looking after something that's alive.

Like Thurber maybe I just like the 'idea' of cats. Ya know, I'm glad their in the universe'n all. They're all cute, and fuzzy. Look good on calendars, and screen savers.

However trips to the vet, expensive cat junk, and the knowledge that it's going to drop dead on me eventually sort of pisses on my cat parade.

I'm too selfish to have a cat.

...or a baby.

Heck I don't even remember to feed my virtual fish. In fact the little maniacs got so hungry I think they turned cannibal on one of my blogs. There's definitely fewer cyber fish on my Queer blog than there used to be.

I got a robot mouse,...but never remember to put in new batteries. So it just sits there month after month staring at me accusingly.

Am I going to hell for this?

Well this, and that ham sandwich I ate on a Friday when I was 12. Eh, it's one'a them weird Catholic things. 'Couldn't begin to explain.

Stay Tuned.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

"Faerie Nights"

I got a story for you folks. Now this happened a few thousand years ago when America was great, and regular folks still had jobs. Well one night in this long ago happy time I was sitting next to my dad on the front seat of our old Buick.

A 1955 sky blue, and white two tone. A classic now! Well anyway, as is the habit of kids everywhere I was squinting my eyes to make the passing street lights look weird. I had just begun to do the same with the tail lights ahead of us when I see something.

Wow that's a big bug I thought. Only when I stopped squinting it wasn't. A bug that is. It wasn't tinker bell either. Ya'know whole generations of rubes got real wacky ideas of what faeries look like 'cause of all the Disney propaganda. Thing is faerie's is just like folks. Just alot smaller,..with wings,.. and feelers, sometimes extra arms'n stuff, magical powers, eh halos, and... Well okay faerie's ain't like folks at all, but so what.

Well there I am sit'n next to the old man as we're roll'n through Queens on our way back to Brooklyn, and there's these little faerie guys darting around the tail lights of the Oldsmobile in front of us. Hey, com'on ya can't make this stuff up.

Now ya'see by this time I'm an 'experienced' kid, and know better than to tell my dad that I'm seen'n glow'n bug people buzz'n around the butt-end of the car in front of us. Hey gimme some credit. I still remember the shit storm from one of my previous visions.

I foolishly told my folks that I saw flaming batwinged demons flying out of an open manhole on Flatbush avenue. My mom made me kneel on a steel rod while I said the rosary ten times over for being in league with Satan. Heck I never even met the guy.

Sooo, I keeps my young trap shut, and enjoys the doing's of the wee folk in front of us. If dad saw anything he wasn't about to tell me. He knew better too. Still they was fun to watch, and they meant no harm.

Not like that seriously scary furry sky-monster-thing. Ya know the one on that famous "Twilight Zone" episode w/the pre-"Trek' Shantner. The hairy bastard, not Shantner, just floats in the air chase'n after airplanes. When he catches one he rips their engines apart so they crash. Remember that one? Forty years later it still scares the crap out'a me! Rod you was one scary genius!

"Yes very interesting", I hear you say, "but Uncle Sidney what the hell are you getting at with all this?"

Ah, I'm glad you asked! See with the warmer weather we has to prepare for "Faerie Time!" As we know from tradition handed down from kid, to kid. Generation to generation, like "Ring Around the Rosy" passed from kid to kid for nearly a thousand years. The knowledge of "Faerie Time" in the same way has come to the 21st century.

Come June 21st at midnight, on that 'Longest Day' all "Faeriedom" awakes! They pops out of their hidey holes,and begins their summer frolics! Which is to say it's their mating, and general screwing around.

They never hurt anybody 'least not on purpose. One thing tho' don't rob or try to mess with them. These guys don't kid around about that sort'a thing. They may be seriously cute,..some of them, but they have poisoned thorns.

Get my drift?

Otherwise we're all welcome to dance the summer away with them. That business about them abducting folks for years is crap told by the Church, and the CIA. They don't do that,..the demons on the other hand. 'Word to da wise,..stay clear of them gumba's.

How long has this been going on? "Faerie Time" No one knows. Maybe it's from before Ur or Babylon. Legends is full of all sorts of traces about "Faerie Times", and it's goings on. That Shakespeare story kind'a got some of it right, but he mixed it up with all the class, and culture bullshit of his times. I guess we all do that in a way.

But "Faerie Time" is real. My older cousins told me, and I told my special friends at school, and they told their friends, and so, and so, and so through the years, and generations, and ages to come. An unbroken tradition from kid to kid.

When I was little I danced in a faerie circle with the sweet wee folk by the light of a full moon in Prospect Park. Then again on warm steamy night in Central Park when I was a happily crazed'n horny teenager. Now in my demented pissed off late middle years I still hear their songs.

Bless the little fuckers!